What is support, exactly?

Right now, I'm writing this post from a leftover chair i stole from my daughter's room. She's away at college. It's a $50 chair perfect for kids at their first desks; but not well suited to someone who works at a desk all day. It has a tiny padded back, no arms, and a serviceable seat. After a few hours, my back hurts!

Lately, i've been thinking about this whole issue of support: what it looks like, what it really feels like. It's not something i experienced in my youth. My intense focus on, and comprehension of spiritual concepts were inconsistent with family norms and traditions. When I dreamed of joining the foreign service (and actually passed the exam!), my parents' response was, "why the hell would you want to do that?" The experience of support is like a visit to a foreign country - rare, and so new it's hard to develop any expectations of what constitutes normal.

As a result i spent years making SURE I felt supported by doing just what everyone wanted of me: I attended all family functions, was an ideal daughter, was a kind neighbor and devoted student. I served on boards, sorted coats at local shelters, and collected for the march of dimes. I was like a labrador looking for a trainer. I assumed this was what it meant to be surrounded by loved ones. I supported everyone else, but didn't feel entitled to ask much for myself - that is, not much of what i really needed and wanted to feel fed. Old friends were so uninterested in the inner journey, i figured what i had to offer wasn't valuable.

Women often perform millions of invisible tasks, keeping the whole wheel of life and love turning in a very practical way, with groceries, laundry, little wiped noses and playdates, homey touches and awkward valentines.

Now, I've learned to see things differently, thank god. i have endured the thorny recovery path, strewn with the disappointments of people i used to spoil, who are not at all happy about what i'm no longer willing to take care of. In order to learn to be loving, i had to learn not to be so dad gum nice! And in my darkest moments, the brightest spots of help appeared, reassuring me that fundamentally, the universe is benevolent. I now have friends who are stronger and more skilled about the whole give and take. Still, i'm a newbie.

So, in the interest of learning what support really feels like, i'm going to start by treating myself to a decent chair!

Culture Re-creation

What does it mean to change a culture? "Culture" is a hot topic in corporate life at the moment as a result of high rates of merger and acquisition events. One company dresses casual; another is tolerant of gender discrimination. One group hates meetings; the other hates email. One group is ivy league and arrogant; another, midwestern and egalitarian. These groups must jostle and adjust to accommodate the needs of new teammates. In reality, those new partners rarely feel, or act, like teammates. Nevertheless, the culture changes.

Cultural transformation is different. When a culture transforms, it literally changes its shape ("form"), its gestalt if you will - to allow a freer flow of spirit. This is what distinguishes transformation from change: this commitment to take the collective to a higher order of functioning.

Let's take public education, for example. A hundred years ago, when most of us worked by the sweat of our brow, when America was over 80% agrarian, the first forms of education were developed. It was a massive social struggle to simply mandate reading, writing, and arithmetic. Farmers were worried and resistant, knowing that less labor put their crops at risk.

What we often don't discuss about the changes between then and now, in those short hundred years, is physical activity. Back then, sitting in a classroom was a luxurious break from manual labor. People had to work to get to school, and they had to work when they returned home. Not homework, but farmwork. Or millwork. It was a hands-on world.

Now, we have laptops and cellphones and portable video games. We are living life at our fingertips. A proper school today would have kids doing farmwork, cutting timber, and building furniture (and computers). We educate the vast majority of our children in ways that create stagnation of their spirits, and do not allow proper flow of their creative (and recreative) energies. Most schools now don't even include PE daily. As a result, basic health and common sense have become optional, while working and striving like lemmings to flourish at standardized testing has become a national epidemic.

This is the heart of culture change: recognizing, collectively, that certain well-established patterns - which were once the best ideas going - have outlived their usefulness. Re-creating the definition of classroom should be a top priority. This would allow fresh creativity to flow through teachers, as well, rather than weighing them down with ever-higher standards of intellect. We must move from a culture of "smart" to a culture of "wise." Otherwise, the No Child Left Behind policy will churn out spiritless, well tutored kids whose childhood needs of fresh air, exercise, play, and creative expression were left behind.