tonic for the culture

fresh light on the human condition thru the eyes of an overeducated mom

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Feelings - the final frontier

In the 90s, we had the decade of the brain. The brain, it seemed, held all the answers to our concerns about intelligence, or the lack thereof. Then came Daniel Goleman, with his landmark book, "Emotional Intelligence," which at least began to shift the meter in the right direction.
We have forgotten the real value of feelings. Emotional expression in the workplace is considered childish. In fact, any emotional display by a person over 21 - other than weddings and funerals - is considered, well, a sign of weakness. Emotional people are considered a bit inferior to intellectual people. You can't get a Ph.D. in emotional mastery. Artists, whose careers are based in the felt relationship with the sea of possibilities, are somehow not as "legitimate" as the smarty pants running the show in our governments and our companies.
Interestingly, this one feature of human experience - feeling - holds the key to a lot of our problems. We tend to think of emotions as some disturbance to the order of life. In actual fact, it's just the opposite: emotions help us navigate. Whenever i work with clients, i know i've gotten to the heart of the matter when there are tears. Tears are the clue to what touches people at their core. I noodle around with them, not seeking catharsis, but movement. I want to know what moves people.
Think of it this way: e-motion. Feelings are all about motion. Feelings tell us what we want more of and what we want less of, period. Aversive feelings, like fear and anger, send us seeking more distance from a person or situation. Pleasant feelings like joy or wonder, cause us to move toward a person or situation. We are not meant to be slaves to every impulse; but the information is valuable. Often, in maturity, adults grow so accustomed to suppressing their feelings in order to manage their professiona lives or other responsibilities, that they can't remember, anymore, what feeds them. Then they don't know how to move.
But emotion is just one aspect of the feeling frontier. Feelings also show us how we relate to beauty. When we can feel, we can be uplifted by beauty. Sensitivity - the capacity to respond to subtle cues - is automatically linked to beauty. It is linked to sensuality, too. The capacity to experience pleasure is literally located, anatomically, on the same neurons that mediate the experience pain. If you feel, you have to accept both ends of the spectrum. We are meant to experience joy and fulfillment in our lives, not just the knee-jerk repetition of old scripts. In order to move toward more joy, when we are stuck in a place of staleness and suppression, we must feel our way. Those first few steps can be pretty interesting.

2 Comments:

At 9:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What are the steps? What you say makes sense. What are the steps you are talking about? What is a numbed out person to do?

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger kathryn p davison said...

feeling numb is better than not knowing you're numb. congratulations.

The steps? Quiet the outside, allow the inside to speak, especially through small prompts - like runes, intuition cards, exposure to art, cultivation of soil, weaving, knitting, moving boulders, tai chi, oil painting, collage, and talk therapy. These are some of my favorite steps.

If you are fortunate to have a soulful person organizing some of these experiences, you may begin to notice, or witness, cognitive assumptions that trigger unnecessary suffering. e.g., 'i need to look like that guy in order to attract women.' 'i'll never be successful in a way that pleases my parents.' such ties put us on merry-go-rounds of struggle and disappointment utterly unrelated to our core nature. abandoning some of these less refined aspirations is like wiping the sludge off of a diamond. after a bit of wiping, it shines!

 

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